I was building Legos with one of my twins the other day. It was cold and dreary out, the kind of afternoon where you just want to hibernate in your sweats. We were making vehicles and forts and secret laboratories with hidden doors that slid open. As we constructed, we chatted, in the easy way you do with a nine year-old.
"You know why I like playing with Legos?" he asked.
"Why?" I questioned.
He grinned. "Because you're only limited by your imagination. And your imagination has no limits!"
In the last month I've gotten divorced. I packed up fifteen years worth of clothes, photo albums, dishes, and furniture into cardboard boxes that towered above me. I lost the house I was prepared to close on, a house I had put two months of bidding, paperwork, and repairs into but unexpectedly lacked a clear title. I had a 24 hour breakdown notable for its emphatic crying. I pulled myself together, found an apartment, signed a six month lease, hired movers and left.
Truthfully, I've never been happier. That might sound like an insensitive thing to say after the demise of a fifteen year marriage. But I love living as a single woman.. I love knowing exactly where my money is and where it's going. I love the quiet moments, when all I hear is the quiet murmur of my children playing in their room. I love decorating my apartment in a way I find pleasing, rather to someone else's taste. Surprisingly, while I'm living alone, I never feel lonely, which was a feeling that chased me throughout much of my marriage. Now that I'm single, I feel completely unencumbered, and hopeful, and free to chase whatever dreams I wasn't able to explore before.
Life is unpredictable. If you had told me when I started blogging two years ago that I'd end up divorced, I never would have believed you. If you had told me that I'd write a book about thrifting and land a job working in a vintage store, I'd thought you were out of your mind. I'm incredibly proud of myself for refusing to stay miserable, for having the strength to change my life, for chasing my dreams and ending the self-victimizing cycle I've subjected myself to for most of my adult life.
I'm thirty-eight years old, and feel more positive than I ever have.
So what's to come in 2013? For the first time in my life, I'm letting myself imagine and construct some substantial plans. I want to make new friends, and reach out more to old ones - actions I'm not completely comfortable with but need to be done. I want to redesign this blog and focus more on thrifting, vintage, and slice-of-life stuff. (I'm not sure outfit posts will continue to be included - do you want them to be? Do you enjoy seeing me style my thrift scores? Let me know!) I will open a brick-and-mortar or mobile vintage shop (this I'm promising to myself.) I want to explore more of Texas and the southwest. I want to love, and experience being loved in the way we all deserve - fully, respectfully, appreciatively. I want to reach out to you more, my faithful readers, for advice and friendship. I want to eat really good food and listen to good music and keep a plant alive without killing it a week after purchase. Mostly, I want to prove to myself that I'm stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
2013 is going to be epic.