Update

I've gotten some emails in the past month, wondering where I am and how I've been doing. I came here to let you that I'm okay. Well, not really. My divorce, and that fact that I'm still living with my ex-husband, has been horrific. The tension of sharing a home with a man I desperately want to separate from is killing me. I lie awake at night, worrying, my brain a tangle of anxieties and fears and frightening thoughts. My stomach is in knots.

I open my laptop, go to this blog, and stare at the screen. I just don't know what to say. I feel tremendously lonely.

I hope to be able to blog consistently again, but I just don't know when that will be. Truthfully, I love blogging. I love writing about my outfits and body image and fashion and thrifting and whatever else is running through my brain. But at this point, all I can concentrate is surviving one day to the next. I had no idea what stress was until the events of the past month. I didn't understand how challenging it would be to live with someone who can't stand the sight of you.

I watched my parents go though a divorce. I saw them battle over money, child support, child custody, who got the furniture and dishes and books. I watched their marriage crumble into an ocean of passive aggressiveness, cruelty and vengefulness. They used my brother and I as pawns in their battle against each other. They hired attorneys hell bent on litigation, attorneys which brought out the worst in each other and only fueled their desire to destroy one another. Their divorce carried on for months, and they still can't be in the same room together. It's been 15 years.

When I got married, I swore I wouldn't end up in the same situation. I loved my husband deeply. Divorce just wouldn't happen to us. And yet, here we are.

Thank you to those of you who have sent me emails. I'm sory I haven't responded. I feel incapacitated and would hate to put my struggles on anyone. I am terrible at reaching out for support. Thank you for sticking around. I will be back to blogging at some point, when I'm ready to give you content worth reading.



33 comments:

  1. Wishing you and your family peace, happiness, and a swift, less painful end to this stressful situation.

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  2. I agree with Anonymous's comment, and I also want to say that I was glad to read this post, however painful it might have been for you to write, so I thank you. Things do get better, and you can and will endure and prevail. I am sorry you feel lonely, and I hope that knowing that your writing has value to others such as me will assuage that feeling a bit.

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  3. I'm reaching out through the Internet ether to give you a great big hug.

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  4. Sending good thoughts to you. Your readers (and online friends) will be here when you return.

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  5. I remember the horror of my parent's divorce. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Do remember that time will pass and things will get better no matter how bad they are now. Stay strong and take care of yourself.

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  6. Sorry to hear things have not been going well. Definitely understand your absence lately. I do want to say that I hope you are talking to someone. Everyone needs someone that they can lean on whether it's a friend, relative, therapist, church pastor, support group, etc. I've been there and I can speak from experience when I say you need to surround yourself with positive things. Wishing you the best..and hang in there. It does get better!

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  7. *HUGS*
    Hang in there, it will get better.

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  8. Oh dear...not nice at all....can't even imagine how to live in the same house together...do you really have to be together under the one roof? (no I'm not asking you to answer that I'm just putting it out there) I guess you must or it wouldn't be happening at all....I hope you have got some good councelling to help you keep some sanity at this time, can believe the stress of that would be so unhealthy for you. Take care of yourself

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  9. Elissa, I am so sorry about your living situation. I've been there, and know how stressful it can be. All I can do is share my mantra for rough times, "This too shall pass." Stay focused on the move to your new home, and managing what is under your control. You won't always live with this man.

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  10. Just know that we'll be here once this all sorts itself out.

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  11. I'm thinking of you and sending all the hugs I can, along with positive thoughts and strength. And I have to tell you, I remember this and how difficult it was. My ex wouldn't leave until all had been settled and signed and being in the same house was crazy-making. You WILL get your mind back. When you are finally apart, it will be such a huge relief you won't believe it. Also, the thing that made a huge difference for me was adrenal supplements my naturopath recommended. After a few days on them, I was able to sleep better and felt much less scattered.

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  12. Miss E, That sounds truly awful. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. It will get better and soon. Keep being brave.

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  13. I wish you and your family deep peace. Take of yourself, take care of your children.... and by all means, do not give up!

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  14. Elissa,
    Take time for yourself. If you need us, we are here. Really, as many of us know, it will get better. Hugs!

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  15. I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I can't imagine what you are going through and dealing with, it breaks my heart just thinking about it. Please take whatever time you need to heal and don't worry about this blog. I will be overjoyed when you start posting again but in the meantime, I will pray for you and your family.

    Also, remember: Time wounds all heels.

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  16. hang in there, elissa. i won't even pretend that i understand what you're going through, but you and your family are in my thoughts. best of luck to you in this tough time.

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  17. I know you are struggling and wondering how you are going to get through this. But I have faith that you will. If you doubt me or yourself just take a look at the title of your blog, "Dress with Courage"

    Anyone able to dress with courage certainly has the courage and strength to carry on through this time. I think it was Winston Churchill who once said, "If you find yourself going through hell, keep walking."

    I hope you know that you have people out here who care about you and have you in their thoughts and prayers. Keep reading the comments here if you need a little support to see you through the fire.

    Hugs

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  18. Thank you for the update --we care and will be here when you get back.

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  19. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I can relate as my ex and I lived together for months before I moved out. I wound up sleeping at my job because I just couldn't bear to live with him any longer. The whole thing was so awful and every day I felt like I was lying at the bottom of a very deep hole. It will get better but it will take time and that just sucks. Thank you so much for updating us. It was worrying to see you absent for such a long time. Stay strong. Thinking of you.

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  20. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I can relate as my ex and I lived together for months before I moved out. I wound up sleeping at my job because I just couldn't bear to live with him any longer. The whole thing was so awful and every day I felt like I was lying at the bottom of a very deep hole. It will get better but it will take time and that just sucks. Thank you so much for updating us. It was worrying to see you absent for such a long time. Stay strong. Thinking of you.

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  21. Much hugs, love and some no doubt much needed peace coming your way from me! Take the time to get yourself settled, we'll all still be here when you come back to us.

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  22. I love the post and your blog:)

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  23. I believe that what doesn't kill us will make us stronger. I am very strong as a result of stressful moments (and people) in my life. I wish you the same strength from your stresses now. I look forward to your blog when you continue it. I think you have great style and character!

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  25. What you wrote here is worth reading. Finding the words to share something like this is incredibly brave and I hope it helped you in some way. Breathe deeply and hang on. Remind yourself that it is normal to feel lonely and incapacitated given your situation. It doesn't mean that you actually ARE alone or incapacitated. Sending hugs and serene wishes your way.

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  27. Just sending lots of positive energy that things resolve for you quickly. I have a friend here in SD that is starting to do the work of 'uncoupling' with couples, how to end the relationship and transition into something else, wish that I could send her your way. In the meantime, I hope you take care of yourself. I enjoy your blog tremendously.

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  30. I am so sorry you have had to go through this! You have been added to my prayer list dear. I hope things get better for you!

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  31. Long time reader. I hope you find light, Elissa.

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  32. Hang in there Elissa! I have walked in those shoes and can tell you that there is light at the other end. Don't lose faith. You will come out of this stronger. I'm thinking about you and praying that you are covered in peace and comfort.

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