Pause.


There's a point in our lives where we desperately need to take a break. Either we're sick, or stressed out, or exhausted, or overwhelmed. No matter the reason, the end result is that we're unable to do much of anything except huddle in a fetal position in bed under the covers while watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy that invariably make us cry and lamenting the things that have brought us to this point.

I've reached that point right about now.

As some of you might know, my husband and I are going through a divorce. Divorce kind of feels like someone has violently ripped your heart out of your chest and presented it to you on a silver platter while it is still beating. You can't eat. You can't sleep. You can't concentrate. You become anxious, tense, caustic. Your thoughts race. Your mind travels to some really scary and dark places - what if I'm left destitute? What if he tries to take the kids? What if he declares me unfit? What if I'm saddled with debt? Where will I live? What about the kids? What's going to happen to me?

How will I survive this?

The past week has been the worst period of my life. I'm scared. I'm hopeless. I've lost my ability to trust. So I'm taking a break from blogging. I'm going to NYC next week for a short visit to see family and gain some perspective. I have no idea when I'll feel up to blogging again, but I'm hoping it will be in the near future rather than later.

Thank you all for your continued support. I truly do not know what I would do without you.


29 comments:

  1. I hope you God's speed in getting to that happy place once more. Change is scary, but once you let go there is something wonderfult around the bend. Take care and God bless.

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  2. Thank you for your honesty. It probably doesn't feel like it right now, but you are very strong & you will get through this. There are a whole bunch of people out here sending you love.

    Just breathe. Then do it again.

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  3. I hope that your trip renews your spirit. We will patiently await your return, regardless of how long the wait is. This week began as a horrifying one for me, I truly get the feelings of wanting to curl into fetal position.... and I am intimately acquainted with all of the scary dark places your brain takes you whern you're lying there. I just want you to go home and know that if nothing else, your blog literally took me out of one of those dark and scary places. Specifically, it was that last "take what you need" picture entry yo uposted. I cling to it like a raft, it is simply beautiful to see positive energy so thoughtfully displayed. So thank you Elissa, and I want you to absorb all of the kindness, courage, and faith that you need to move forward.

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  4. I hope your break is rejuvenating. I know first hand how horrifically violent on your psyche divorce is and i wish you the very best through this trying time. I hooe you find comfort in the familiar and hope in the challenges.
    Take care of yourself.

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  5. I hope your break is rejuvenating. I know first hand how horrifically violent on your psyche divorce is and i wish you the very best through this trying time. I hooe you find comfort in the familiar and hope in the challenges.
    Take care of yourself.

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  6. I hope that your break is rejuvenating, and that you find comfort in the familiar and hope in the challenges.
    Take care of yourself.

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  7. I understand your feelings and the place your in intimately but for different reasons- U will come out on the other side and I will send u beautiful lovely peaceful thoughts and Blessings

    Namaste
    RaNae

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  8. Take care of yourself. This is a low point but I hope that you can see a glimmer of light at the end of the road and that your family can be a great support for you. Breathe, take time for yourself, and remember to keep perspective.

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  9. I'm a long-time reader who has never commented before...but this seems like a good time to chime in and say, "Hang in there." You can make it through this, and there are good times waiting for you. Take care of yourself.

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  10. Elissa, I'm really going to miss you blogging, but I think we can all understand your need for a break. Praying that going back home gives you some clarity. xooxo

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  11. You take the time you need, and do what you have to do to get yourself through this. You are a strong woman, surround yourself with friends and the help you need....good luck with it all

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  12. Sometimes a break is truly necessary, and with your current stressor, it's a MUST. You will continue to be in my prayers dear. No matter what happens, everything will work out (this coming from a woman who watched her patents go through a divorce and continues to see the woman my mom has become sonce).

    The sun always shines after darkness Elissa.

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  13. Sorry this is such a hard time for you and your family. I'm sure you are doing the best that you can. It's understandable that you are having all these feelings and concerns. Divorce is never easy. My best friend is going through a divorce and although she's through the worst of it...there are still hard days. I hope that your trip will be a nice break from the stress.

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  14. I know what you're going through. My husband and I are still going through a divorce. This is the most painful experience of my life, especially since I initiated it. Divorce is a horrible thing to go through & I wish I could say it gets better. I'm sure it does but its been a year and I'm still questioning if I made the right decision and I feel the pain of it every day. Especially with my child gone months a time to visit. I hope it gets better. For the both of us. I hope its what you really want. Because if it isn't and you probably could've worked it out, it's going to be painful thinking about it. Divorce SUCKS. And it really is hard to move on

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  15. This might sound weird, but you are right on track. When I was going through the worst of my divorce,a friend told me she had felt like she was going crazy during her divorce, couldn't think, couldn't concentrate, and I was so relieved because that was exactly how I was feeling. Going away will help so much- along with eating well. And for me, adrenal supplements helped.
    After it was all over, I woke up one morning filled with joy, thinking "I'm finally done!"

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  16. First of all, you have my condolences, madame.

    However long it takes, take it; we'll be here waiting for your return, even if it's to say "farewell." Big hugs to you. xoxoxoxoxo

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  17. You are going through a rough patch but you will end up on the other side of this. Sending you hope, happiness and peace of mind. Thank you for bringing us a wonderful blog. See you when you return.

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  18. To me it never sounds weird-I have seen many couples who needs a divorce just because of mismatch of mentality-never feel lonely or upset,we all have to move through some hard times but I am praying for your coming back on track~i am a divorcee,a mother of 3 and I understand your feelings~we undergo 9 months of pain and they dont care about us or our kids and I fought till the end to make sure the kids are mine and only mine-so dont worry-our prayers are with you and I wanna see you back with your beautiful dresses!! hugs to you and all the best!!

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  19. Our continued support continues. I am confident that you will be back and we will be reading your well thought out and expressed sentiments when the time is right. And I hope that as time does its healing you will soon be feeling better and more grounded and well.

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  20. I commented before, but it was somehow lost. To repeat: Our continued support continues. I am confident that you will be back and we will be reading your well thought out and expressed sentiments when the time is right. And I hope that as time does its healing you will soon be feeling better and more grounded and well.

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  21. You have my support...whatever it takes to get through this. Breathe. Remember to breathe.

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  22. I just found you last Thursday and I'm so sad you won't be around. But we, your readers, totally understand and feel for you and want to wish you the best of luck as you go through this process. I hope you get some much-needed rest, perspective, and grounding by being with family for a while. We'll be here when and if you want to come back to this!! Take good care of yourself.

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  23. Elissa, I love reading your blog, but have never commented before, I too have been through divorce and now am having problems with my current husband, only last week, I was having all the thoughts and feelings you are having now. Its horrible and unfair, I really hope that it isn't too long before you feel more like yourself again, there are so many fantastic things in your life and you have loads to look forward to, but you do need to take the time to "grieve" your marriage. I hope to see you back again soon. xxx

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  24. I hope your break provides you with some peace and clarity will be here if you decide on the other side that blogging is on your list of things to get back to. Very best wishes to you.

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  25. Best wishes your way. I hope your break services you peace and hope.

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  26. I just found your blog and landed on this post. I felt the need to send all my best wishes. I hope that you get a little bit of breathing space on your trip to NYC. I'm sure this time is overwhelming and difficult to adjust to. I hope all goes as well (as possible). You'll come through this I promise...

    xx Mandi
    www.findmeamuse.com

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  27. What you are feeling is normal. I have been in the process of getting a divorce for over 2 years. My advice to you is to let yourself process all of your feelings. You are on your own timetable for this. You must do this to be able to move forward. I also recommend 1) attending a year long Divorce Recovery program (based on the "Rebuilding" book by Bruce Fisher), 2) getting a good therapist, 3) reading the book "Crazy Time" by Abigail Trafford. You must grieve your loss and all it encompasses. My thoughts are with you. You will survive and thrive.

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  28. I have been reading your blog for a few months and I admire your spunk, tenacity, honesty and humor. No matter what a crappy day I have had, I can look at your blog and laugh and shop, and sometimes cry along with you and it's something I look forward to. I have been and will continue to pray for you and your kids. I hope things get better real soon for you Elissa <3

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  29. thinking of you during this difficult time love...just breathe <3

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